Father's Day is difficult for some. For those who lost their father, had an unhealthy relationship with their father, or never knew their father, this can be a particularly challenging day. May this day land gently for you. Here is a blog on how to survive father's day from Psychology Today.
Here is a good article from the APA on the changing role of fathers.
"10 ways you can tell good therapy from bad" from Psychology Today
Dr. Adriana Faur
Let’s face it, we all feel angry, sad, fearful, or other unpleasant emotions sometime. Our buttons get pushed--by the person who cuts us off on the road, the partner who doesn’t seem to hear us, or the screaming child who really wants us to buy a toy! Our friend doesn’t call us back, and we feel sad. We have to give an important speech in front of lots of people, and we feel terrified. What is clear from research is that chronic anger, sadness, fearfulness can have detrimental effects on our health, on our relationships with others, and our own sense of well-being. Thankfully, there are ways to ensure that our emotions are adaptive. Process experiential/emotion focused therapy (PE-EFT) is an empirically supported therapy approach developed by Dr. Leslie Greenberg and Dr. Robert Elliott, which focuses on deeply understanding our emotions. In individual therapy, the therapist works closely with the client through the use of empathy to help the client understand their own personal emotions. According to Elliott and Greenberg (2007): “In general, PE-EFT is an approach that seeks to help clients transform contradictions and impasses into wellsprings for growth.” In short, it can help us have more adaptive emotional experiences.
So what does adaptive mean for emotions?
You may have been taught that anger, sadness, fear, resentment, contempt, hatred, jealousy, pride….just to mention a few…are negative emotions!
The truth is that emotions are neither negative, nor positive. Emotions are neutral.
I know you must be thinking: ok, but who wants to feel sad, angry, hurt? Shouldn’t we just strive to be HAPPY all the time? Shouldn’t we just experience “positive” emotions?
Short answer: No. (And let me explain.)
Imagine if your child just died, and you are experiencing joy, or if a bear attacks you and you feel calm. Would these emotions be helpful or adaptive? Likely not. You would not be grieving your child’s death, which would cause lots of emotional problems later on, or you might well get eaten by a bear if you don’t get into fight or flight mode. Emotions are there for a reason. And without ALL emotions, we would be deprived of the necessary information needed to help guide us in our lives. Just as if we did not have any pain receptors in our body, we would not be getting the necessary information about our bodies’ health, and would probably endure more health problems as a result. If we break our foot, we need that message sent to our brain to tell us we are in pain, to get to the doctor, and get the necessary help. It is the same with emotions. They tell us what needs we have, and if we dig deeper, how to get those needs met.
Emotions are wise, and by understanding them, they can help guide our behavior, so we can become more proactive in caring for ourselves. So, next time you experience that pesky negative emotion, ask yourself: what is this emotion trying to tell me? What can I learn about what I need in order to feel less of this unpleasant emotion? And what does healing look like? This process is necessary, in order for healing to begin.
Elliott, R. and Greenberg, L. (2007) The essence of process-experiential: emotion-focused
therapy. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 61 (3). pp. 241-254. ISSN 0002-9564
Blog posts written by Dr Adriana Faur, PhD
Please be advised that the posts on this blog are for informational purposes only, are not a substitute for mental health treatment nor constitute medical or mental health advice.