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Why we NEED to experience “negative emotions” 

6/4/2016

5 Comments

 
Dr. Adriana Faur
Let’s face it, we all feel angry, sad, fearful, or other unpleasant emotions sometime. Our buttons get pushed--by the person who cuts us off on the road, the partner who doesn’t seem to hear us, or the screaming child who really wants us to buy a toy! Our friend doesn’t call us back, and we feel sad. We have to give an important speech in front of lots of people, and we feel terrified. What is clear from research is that chronic anger, sadness, fearfulness can have detrimental effects on our health, on our relationships with others, and our own sense of well-being. Thankfully, there are ways to ensure that our emotions are adaptive. Process experiential/emotion focused therapy (PE-EFT) is an empirically supported therapy approach developed by Dr. Leslie Greenberg and Dr. Robert Elliott, which focuses on deeply understanding our emotions.  In individual therapy, the therapist works closely with the client through the use of empathy to help the client understand their own personal emotions. According to Elliott and Greenberg (2007): “In general, PE-EFT is an approach that seeks to help clients transform contradictions and impasses into wellsprings for growth.” In short, it can help us have more adaptive emotional experiences.
 
So what does adaptive mean for emotions?
 
You may have been taught that anger, sadness, fear, resentment, contempt, hatred, jealousy, pride….just to mention a few…are negative emotions!

T
he truth is that emotions are neither negative, nor positive. Emotions are neutral.

I know you must be thinking: ok, but who wants to feel sad, angry, hurt? Shouldn’t we just strive to be HAPPY all the time? Shouldn’t we just experience “positive” emotions?

Short answer: No. (And let me explain.)
 
Imagine if your child just died, and you are experiencing joy, or if a bear attacks you and you feel calm. Would these emotions be helpful or adaptive? Likely not. You would not be grieving your child’s death, which would cause lots of emotional problems later on, or you might well get eaten by a bear if you don’t get into fight or flight mode. Emotions are there for a reason. And without ALL emotions, we would be deprived of the necessary information needed to help guide us in our lives. Just as if we did not have any pain receptors in our body, we would not be getting the necessary information about our bodies’ health, and would probably endure more health problems as a result. If we break our foot, we need that message sent to our brain to tell us we are in pain, to get to the doctor, and get the necessary help. It is the same with emotions. They tell us what needs we have, and if we dig deeper, how to get those needs met.
 
Emotions are wise, and by understanding them, they can help guide our behavior, so we can become more proactive in caring for ourselves. So, next time you experience that pesky negative emotion, ask yourself: what is this emotion trying to tell me? What can I learn about what I need in order to feel less of this unpleasant emotion? And what does healing look like? This process is necessary, in order for healing to begin.

Reference:
 
Elliott, R. and Greenberg, L. (2007) The essence of process-experiential: emotion-focused
therapy. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 61 (3). pp. 241-254. ISSN 0002-9564
 
5 Comments
Scott
6/4/2016 11:45:26 pm

I never thought of it this way, but it makes sense! Thanks for sharing this!

Reply
Dr. Adriana Faur
6/9/2016 11:11:00 am

You are very welcome!! Thanks for reading!!

Reply
Kirk
6/4/2016 11:56:34 pm

Perfectly stated! Emotions are important!

Reply
TS
6/7/2016 08:29:30 pm

Thanks Dr. Faur. This is helpful, was always taught to stay away from having negative emotions. But this makes sense. The how to I'm guessing is what therapy is for. I would like to come in and learn more.

Reply
Dr. Adriana Faur
6/9/2016 11:09:37 am

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate the kind words. Indeed, this is how we are frequently taught to believe! If you would like to discuss our services, please feel free to either fill out the online form, or all 216-801-4656 for more information.

Reply



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    Blog posts written by Dr Adriana Faur, PhD

    Please be advised that the posts on this blog are for informational purposes only, are not a substitute for mental health treatment nor constitute medical or mental health advice.


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